Happy Easter!

Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
His steadfast love endures forever.
The Lord is my strength and my song
And he has become my salvation.

The right hand of the Lord has triumphed,
The right hand of the Lord is exalted!
The stone that the builders rejected has become the chief cornerstone; This is the Lord’s doing and it is marvelous in our eyes.

This very day the Lord has acted:
Let us rejoice!
God’s name be praised!

From Psalm 118

Birthday Eve Musings

Here I am again. The sun will soon set, the night will come, and at 8:30am tomorrow morning, I will officially add another year to my age.

I never wanted to be one of Those Women who fall into a depression with each approaching birthday; counting every wrinkle, complaining about their added poundage and creaky bones. But candidly, I’ve become one of Those Women this past year. I am feeling convicted that one of my most commonly used phrases has been, “I’m getting old” (said with a dramatic sigh of disgust).

But beginning with this year, I want to celebrate each day in a deeper way. No more negative self talk about aging. I want to embrace this next age as a gift, because, in reality, it’s better than the alternative. I feel fit and youthful and excited about the future. The past few years have been the most creative of my life. I am wiser and more comfortable in my skin than ever in the past. I know who I am, what I like and why, what doesn’t work for me, how to choose friends wisely, how to dress best for my body type. I know my passions, my goals, my worldview. The first half of my life was a lot of guess work, but now I have things better figured out. Would I want to go backward? No. I like being where I am in life, and I am (on most days) proud of who God has grown me to be. Maturity is one of the gifts that we only receive with time. I’ll take that over youth.

If I had to pick one area I’ve grown in since my last birthday, it’s been in my ability to be honest. I have had more honest conversations with God, others and myself than ever in my life. It’s been freeing to let go of the people-pleasing and discover a more authentic and healthier way to live.

God has been good. He has given me so many moments-as-gifts since my last birthday. These are a few of my favorites:

~Weekly date nights with my favorite guy
~Gathering for prayer with my Intercessory team, in whatever “closet” we can find
~Long discussions about books over wine with my Chocolate Pie Book Club
~Watching my youngest dance with my niece and nephew
~Lazy days spent reading by the ocean in Hilton Head
~Late night talks with my teens hanging out on my bed
~Fabulous sunset dinners in Cabo San Lucas with my family, Chris & Cintia
~Cooking and laughing side by side with my Cool Chicks Cooking Club
~Drinks and heart-to-heart talks with my closest girlfriends
~Every retreat with my Transforming Community
~Prayer walking with my youngest at a crisis shelter
~Kisses from my sweet little Murphy nieces
~Monday morning writing dates with a friend
~Receiving a surprise diamond ring from my husband at a silent auction
~Dancing with my brother to “We Are Family.”

What else? I’m probably forgetting a whole bunch of great moments, since I’m getting older. (Oops. There I go again.) It’s time to pop my evening fish oil capsule, and be on my way. Thank you God, for giving me life!

Spring Break

Spring Break. Oh, really? I’m struggling to figure out where the spring is hiding, and definitely needing a break after being a one-woman entertainment committee for the past week. I’ve provided my youngest with lots of friend time, movie dates, and even an afternoon at Chuck E. Cheese. That’s love for you. And I’ve got witnesses, just in case he ever has a memory lapse down the road, and questions my motherly devotion in therapy.

Then we went east for a few days. Not south where the sun shines and the ocean beckons, but east to OH where it actually began snowing at the exact moment we arrived at our hotel. Uh, Spring Break?

We were there to visit Butterfly at her college, and I’d weather anything to see my kid. (Pun not intended, but clever nonetheless.) We enjoyed a hibachi dinner with the family, Butterfly’s boyfriend and her two roommates while the snow fell. Little Squirt logged in lots of swim time at the hotel pool, and Rock Star sat through three criminal justice classes, giving him a taste of college in a year and a half. He loved it.

Too quickly, we were on the road again, driving back home, the standard “Good-bye, Daughter” lump in my throat. It’s an odd thing, this life transition. It’s nearing the end of Butterfly’s sophomore year in college, yet each separation feels fresh and raw, like an old wound that begins bleeding again after the scab is torn off. Rock Star will be leaving the nest as well, soon enough. Saying good-bye to my children feels so wrong.

I don’t like this kids-growing-up thing, I want a Life Rewind Button for my birthday. I’ll take the year ‘03 back; homeschooling the first two with the baby in my arms. That was a good year for this mommy.

I’m reading Joyce Rupp’s Praying Your Goodbyes, and I quote, “Goodbyes will always be with us. So will hellos. Praying a goodbye can bring us to the doorway of new beginnings. The seed of resurrection in our souls will grow again.”

Easter season is a good time for me to remember this.