Dancing With Danger

Today was apparently Sea Life Petting Zoo Day at the ocean. On my morning walk down the shore, I nearly stepped on a jelly fish. And then I ran into a beached baby sting ray. Under normal circumstances, like watching him backstroke in an aquarium, I’d find the sting ray kind of adorable. He was all flappy and scared on the sand, and trying to get in the water. But he had a stinger poking midway down his tail. And I knew that stinger could sting. That stinger could maim, even. Or kill. His cute-and-adorable act did not fool me. I wanted him incarcerated. However, a gentleman with a bigger heart for sea life than I have used a beach chair to flip him back into the water. So off he swam, in search of human prey to sting, I am certain.

Later, I was relaxing in my beach chair, reading a book with my toes in the water. Suddenly, a lifeguard down the beach madly blew his whistle, signaling beachers to get out of the water. I made sure my husband and son were safely on sand before making a bee-line to the lifeguard to find out what was what. Apparently, a sand shark was spotted by a fisherman. Sand sharks are not friendly. In fact, tangoing with one can lead to a painful death.

I ran back to my family to tell them about the sand shark, when I noticed a large crowd had formed around my beach chair. Apparently, according to my husband, a rogue eel had taken a liking to my beach chair and was swimming happily around it, when it was noticed by a some bystanders who screamed, which caused the eel to begin racing all over the sand. The lifeguard again blew his whistle, and shouted for all swimmers to come ashore while the renegade eel darted between feet. (At that point, the ocean was probably safer than the beach, but that wasn’t written in the lifeguard’s handbook.) The killer eel was eventually picked up by the tail by a very brave or very stupid vacationer, and flung into the ocean. I gathered my beach things and told my family it was time to go home.

The point of my post is that the sand shark saved my life. If I hadn’t run down the beach to hear about the sand shark, I would have been sitting in my beach chair when the eel came visiting, and that would have been the end of me. If the eel hadn’t done me in with its electric shock or however it murders human beings, I would have died of a heart attack. So I owe one to the sand shark. But that doesn't mean I want to be friends.

Actually, I’d enjoy the ocean so much more if it didn’t have all the sea life swimming in it. I’d allow the dolphins to stay because I view them as dogs with fins. But everything else can go. Except for the harmless starfish and sand dollars.

In any case, I made an executive decision that tomorrow will be a Pool Day.