Loss And Gratitude

Simply put: It’s been a week. It’s been a week of great losses, airline frustrations, Christmas celebrations, and sheer exhaustion.

The great Northeast Blizzard of ‘09 arrived as an unwanted guest, and completely disrupted my father-in-law’s funeral plans. Several close relatives had to miss the wake, including my husband's brother. Our flight to NY was delayed by a day, causing us to arrive at my mother-in-law’s house with just a few hours to spare until the wake. We were so tired we could hardly see straight.

And at the cemetery for the interment, my mother-in-law’s brother suddenly felt ill, and a few hours later, was dead from a torn aorta, causing great ripples of shock and grief to us all. He had just been sitting behind us at the funeral, mourning with the family over Dad’s death. Now he, too, will be buried this very week. The losses, so close together and right before Christmas, of two great family patriarchs, has been almost too much to bear.

There have been a few bright lights flashing in the darkness, like fireflies darting about at midnight, that have been life-giving to our souls during the craziness of this week. Participating in our church’s Christmas services was one of those “lights.” It was good, so good for my husband and I. The 3-hour rehearsals, delicious meals and conversations in the Green Room, and publicly proclaiming scripture before hundreds; that was a timely gift from God.

And I will forever be thankful for the love of our friends. It mattered. Showing up mattered deeply. They were Angels sent from Heaven, serving us so beautifully and thoughtfully, and healing the pain in our hearts. They let me “shop” in their closet for funeral clothes, brought us meals when I was too overwhelmed to cook, sent us flowers and cards, dropped off treats and watched our kids while we traveled. They gave me a safe space to vent frustrations, be sad, and process. They gave me wine, sent flowers to the funeral home, or simply told us they were praying.

It’s been an education in Bereavement Sociology. It really has. And here’s what I learned about grief and healing: Acknowledgment by others matters. It really does. It mattered to have people offer a hug and look me in the eyes and say, “I’m sorry for your loss.” It wasn’t awkward. It made me feel less alone. I needed that.

Having a husband who lives a lifestyle of serving others so selflessly, I was moved to see some of his men-friends surround him and serve him back. For those friends who took him to lunch and breakfast, who called and texted him words of encouragement throughout our weekend to NY, who showed up for him, supported him and loved on him, I will always be grateful. I saw my husband gain strength and stand taller after each loving interaction. He would not have been able to give such a beautiful, moving Eulogy at his father’s funeral, without the loving support of his friends. I truly believe that.

Friends, and you know who you are, you have been Jesus’ hands and feet to our family. And we are grateful.