Sipping, Swirling, And A Taste Of Smoke

Last night Super Hubs and I attended a Wine Tasting Event hosted by a local liquor store at our town’s country club. We dressed up and went with some of our dearest friends. And what a night we had! Tables were set up by wine vendors who brought a sampling of their choicest bottles of wine. My friend and I tasted all over the room. We sniffed, swirled, sipped and swallowed from table to table, dumping the leftovers as we went, so we wouldn’t need to be carried out of the place.

I love wines and wine connoisseurs! Each vendor proudly taught us the history of the vineyards, and were quite knowledgeable. We kept a checklist of our favorite wines for future reference. My friend enjoys trying new wines as much as I do, so we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.

I usually find wine experts to be chirpy, quirky and fun; one of my favorite people-types. And they were, except for one particular vendor, whom I’ll call Wine Nazi. He wasn’t chirpy or fun, and he was quite offended that I ate a piece of chocolate before trying his pinot noir. He likened it to brushing one’s teeth before drinking oj. I wholeheartedly disagreed. Chocolate and pinot noir is my favorite combo and antioxidant boost! It’s nearly a health drink, for goodness' sake! Wine Nazi was appalled when I asked which was his favorite “sipping wine.” He balked that wine was for drinking with meals, not for merely sipping. Then he rolled his eyes in a pompous kind of way. When I accidentally dumped my wine into his water pitcher instead of the waste bucket, Wine Nazi looked enraged. I thought he was might call for reinforcements to escort me out of the building. I scuttled off to the next table.

Scotch Guy completely made up for Wine Nazi’s rude behavior. Scotch Guy was my favorite vendor of the evening. My friend and I had never tasted scotch, and he was delighted to introduce us to his love. Scotch Guy taught us to take a sip, roll it on the sides of our tongue, and then slowly swallow. He said there would be a taste of smoke at the end. He queried us on our experience. Did we taste vanilla? A smokey pine flavor? A peppery warmth? No, after the initial gagging, I tasted...... leather. And cotton balls. Then.... ivory soap with a hint of..... sweat. And then... pine-sol.... mixed with smokey bacon. Then I gagged again, and spit the scotch into the dump bucket. And then I involuntarily shuddered.

Scotch Guy seemed a bit disappointed at my experience, and so was I. I had been hoping to become a Scotch Drinker! There’s something classic and elegant and British about drinking scotch. I had pictured myself sitting by a fire in a library somewhere in England, regally sipping scotch while wearing an argyle sweater; a large hunting dog dozing at my feet. Dang! I would not become a Scotch Drinker and get to drink Scotch in England. I felt bummed. But Scotch Guy kindly gave us each a free cigar cutter as consolation. I love getting free things! I’ll probably use it to trim down the pretzel logs I buy for Little Squirt’s school snacks. Or I can serrate my new lipstick that comes too pointy.

After all the wine and scotch sipping, my friend and I were famished. We joined our hubbies at the table and gorged on roast beef, cocktail meatballs and bread, then madly tweeted about the experience. After our meal, we visited a few more tables, and then it was time to go home.

Just when I thought my evening couldn’t get any better, I won a raffle! It was a Major Award! I was proudly presented with a paperback book on the history of scotch. I was thrilled! A free cigar cutter and my very own Major Award that I won by myself! It was almost too much happiness to process.

What a night! Good friends, good wine, and a good Scotch Guy. Except for Wine Nazi, it would have been perfect.