On Friendship

In Chicagoland, you basically have just two types of people: Cubs Fans and Sox Fans. And they are nemesis’ with a passion. A Republican-Democrat legislative spat is a white-gloved Ladies High Tea in comparison to the umbrage between Cubs and Sox fans. It ain’t pretty, and we are a family divided. I grew up in a Cubs family, attending many a game. Super Hubs, a former New Yorker, became a Sox fan when he worked on the south side of Chicago. Thus we grew little offspring who have straddled on both sides of the fence and now staunchly defend their pick. The boys have become Sox fans like their daddy, while Butterfly has chosen to cheer on the Cubs with me, bless her sweet lil heart.

But over the weekend I took off my Cubs t-shirt to wave the White Sox banner with Super Hubs when we were invited to a game with our friends, Peggy and Butch. (Not literally. It would have been too chilly.) And we had a blast. We tailgated in the parking lot under the warm Chicago sun, then watched the Sox win. It was a magical day. Peggy and Butch and Super Hubs teased me about being a stealth Cubs Fan, and Butch bought me a Sox cap, which I proudly wore. It was pink, my favorite color.

Candidly, the subject of this post is not Sports. It’s Friendship. The topic has been on my mind as of late. I’ve been hearing about it and reading about it wherever I go. It’s been a theme lately.

God, in His amazing, all-providing way, gave us friends who are “family.” Such as Peggy and Butch. After a disappointing week when an extended family member broke a promise to us, Peggy and Butch came onto the scene. They invited us to the Sox game, drove us, and cooked for us. We felt so cared for. They have served us over and over again historically, and been “grandparents” to my children at a time when my children need healthy grandparents in their lives. Little Squirt truly believes they are his, and they have helped fill that void. I will always be greatful. They are a gift from God.

Some friends have only been in my life for a short season, as if God picked them out by hand for little ol’ me, created an intersection where our lives would overlap for a short but meaningful distance, and I would learn something from them. Then we’d part ways, with relief or regret. Sometimes those friendships were painful, but I’d always be richer for them. I consider them “Friends of The Road.”

Then there are “Friends of the Heart.” Those are friends that I am hoping beyond hope will be there for the long haul, like Peggy and Butch. They’ve been divinely appointed, Spiritual Family, and one of the most obvious ways that I recognize God’s goodness in my life. In their own unique form, they are Jesus in the flesh to me.

Kerry is my longest friend, not in height but in years known. We met in kindergarten, when I’d just moved from Rhode Island and needed a friend. We bonded over a shared apple, and a life-time affinity was forged. We lived two houses down from one another for many years of my childhood, sharing teachers, sleepovers, and Barbies. We’d prank-call each others’ crushes and spy on her older siblings. We used to sneak inside our neighbors’ house whenever they weren’t home, and watch tv and eat their cheese. (I believe that is considered a crime.) Kerry moved to CA when I was 19 (a trauma that I still haven’t recovered from), and even though we only talk about once a year, we can always pick up right where we left off. She’s been in my life for over 40 years, and probably knows all my secrets. She is the Godmother of lucky Rock Star.

Lauree became my first close church friend, over a decade ago, when I badly needed a close church friend. She has probably been the most consistently encouraging voice in my life, and is one of the most mature and godly women I know. She is the sister I never had. Little Squirt is blessed to call her Godmother.

Kellye, my talented artistc friend, is a riot to hang out with. She’s probably my friend who is the most similar to me. We are sympatico. We have shared the stage many times in drama. She will drop everything to meet me for a drink if I need her. She is one of my best listeners; understanding my need for verbal processing without judgment or fixing. We never cease to be amazed at how quickly time passes when we talk. Kellye really gets me. That’s rare.

Bonnie feeds me, body and soul. She and her husband, Joe, are warmly hospitable people. Their dinner invitations have filled those sad places in my heart that tend to shadow me during the holidays when I fantasize about other families gathering together, Norman Rockwell-style. And on one dark night last spring, I had a crisis of the monumental sort, and Super Hubs was out of town. I sat sobbing on a bench in a place of deep fear. I was without a car, and wondering whom to call. Bonnie came to mind, and she dropped what she was doing to come get me from where I was and bring me to where I needed to go. No questions asked. That’s Friendship.

Valerie prays for my children; an invaluable gift. We connect weekly, either in person over over the phone. She has been there for me through the valleys and the mountaintops of parenting. She encourages me weeky with scripture verses. I quite honestly would not be half the woman that I am without her intercession. I would throw myself in front of a bus for her.

Tara and Chris, my dear friends who are roommates, can make me laugh until I cry, and will willingly bake 75 cupcakes for my surprise party. They mentor me in the ways of gourmet food, and they’ll eat whatever I cook for them and tell me they love it. Tara was used by God to affirm my gifts at a time in my life when I was feeling beaten up by a certain church leader. She brought me pizza when my very roof was falling down around me, and is endlessly a wise, discerning counselor. Is it possible she is almost 20 years younger than I? Chris is one of the warmest people I know, going out of her way to make me feel welcome in her home. She has often been the voice of God in my life, saying the exact thing I need to hear at the exact moment I need to hear it. Not only are these roommates so much fun, they have also been there for me through some of the darkest days of this past year. They love on my children, which I will forever love them for.

Lisa is one of my newest friends, and we are just getting started. Already we’ve shared meals and long talks over coffee. I am impressed with her depth, her strength of character, and her authenticity. I sense a lot of affinity in this relationship, and I look forward to where we will go. I don’t think she has any idea how special she is.

These are my Circle of Friends. My Tribe. The kind of people that would take my phone call in the middle of the night. Or, as my pastor says, people who won’t look at their watches at my funeral. (I'm hoping.) They make the sweet times sweeter, and the dark times so much lighter. And I have other friends; new friends whom I am just getting to know, and older friends; friends whose lives have overlapped with mine, and just maybe, if time allows and it's meant to be, we’ll draw closer.