Karate Kelly

I went out to meet some peeps at one of my favorite pizzerias last night for a Breast Cancer Fundraiser. We talked and laughed, and it was so good to get out and get me some Girlfriend Time. After we finished eating, my friends wanted to go sit at the bar and listen to their friend’s band which was beginning to set up. I was feeling really tired and decided to head home.

I hadn’t been able to find parking close to the restaurant, and so my car was several blocks around the corner and down the road in our little city’s downtown area. It was 9ish, and getting dark. The street was mostly deserted, except for a few unsavory-looking characters that hung back in the shadows. An overactive imagination is one of the many curses of my right-brained inclination, and as my ballet flats click-clacked down the sidewalk, my mind concocted all sorts of horrifying scenarios that had to do with my vulnerability and certain death. It didn’t help that I feed myself a steady diet of CSI Miami and Criminal Minds.

I began to hear footsteps that synchronized with mine. I slowed, The Monster slowed. I sped up, and so did he. I did a 360 spina-round, but couldn’t see anyone following me. Still, I didn’t think a perpetrator would deliberately make himself visible. Assuming that a swift kick to the shins would be pretty laughable to him with my ballet flats, I fished around in my purse to feel for a “weapon.” What would be appropriate and deadly? Should I squirt him in the eye with my teeny bottle of my Coco Chanel? Repulse him with a swat by a used kleenex? Throw breath mints, aiming hard for his groin? Ugh. I was completely defenseless!!

Finally seeing my car, I hurried in and took a deep breath. Whew. Crisis averted.

Today I saw Kung Fu Panda with Little Squirt at the local movie theater that shows freebie summer movies. And it got me thinking about Kung Fu Kelly, who’d be able to fight off perps with a swift chop to the kyusho point. Or at least know some basic self-defense moves. So I’m going to investigate taking a class or something.

Criminals- BEWARE!

Sing it with me!
“Everybody is Kung Fu Fighting...ooh ah
Your mind becomes fast as lightning...ooh ah
Although the future is a little bit fright'ning....ooh ah
It's the book of your life that you're writing. “