My daughter told me today that I need to blog more so she has something to read over the summer. I’ve been quite MIA on the writing front lately. I’ve been camping in a season of dryness, feeling uncreative and wordless. But since my daughter asked, I will write about her.
Butterfly just officially finished her last class of her sophomore year of college today. This marks the halfway point of her undergrad career. How is that possible? It seems like yesterday I was dropping her off for her first semester, and crying a bucket of tears on the six hour drive home. I seriously did. I cried for much of the semester, come to think of it. With my firstborn so far from home and my youngest finally in school full-time after years of homeschooling, it was a lonely season. I had full days to myself for the first time in 18 years and I hated it.
“Dude!” I can hear you exclaiming. “What the heck is wrong with you? Nobody hates having full days to themselves!” Well, I did. And it wasn’t as if I lied around eating bonbons. I did loads of volunteer work, wrote, took a yoga class and hung out with friends. But here’s the odd little fact about me: I love being a mother. I'd wanted to be a mother since I was five years old. And before I was a real mother I mothered plants, pets and my baby brother. After my kids grow up I’m certain I'll be mothering my grandchildren, my friends and the odd stray cat that ventures on my front porch. If I could be a Professional Mother, I would be. Call it retro or passe or Donna Reed Days Gone By. I don’t care. It’s who I am.
Back to Butterfly. She isn’t coming home this summer. She was blessed to get a great job at an amusement park in OH where she’ll be working with her friends and boyfriend. She’ll be paid well and will stay on campus. I’m happy for her, because I know it’s going to be a one-of-a-kind experience. Do I feel an emptiness in my heart that she won’t be with us this summer? Absolutely! I enjoy our girl-talks, movie nights and lunches out for hot wings. But the half-way mark of her college career means she’s moving closer to that day when she moves out forever. And so I need to begin letting go now.
Dang it! Before I had children, when I imagined motherhood, I pictured snuggling with baby lotion-scented infants, wiping runny noses, and kindergarten art work hanging on the fridge. I didn’t imagine the good-byes. However do the mother birdies do it?
2 comments:
Can't believe it's been almost 20 years since butterfly was born
Beautifully said Kelly. We want to hold on forever and yet swell with joy as our children grow into who the Lord has called them to be. If we do as we should, they move on and "visit" and we wonder why? Yet the same heart the Lord gave us to love them, which seems to literally break when they move on, is strong enough to push those little birds out of the nest. Lucky for us - our birds can and will always know where home and Mom are!
Post a Comment