2007 Resolutions

I came upon my list of New Year’s Resolutions from 2007. I tend to have over-inflated opinions on what I’m able to accomplish in a year. Let’s see how I did.
1. I will write a book.
Hmmm……….I did begin writing a book last January. Then I put it down, and began writing another book last February. Then I felt creatively blocked, so I began reading lots of books for inspiration. And then magazines, for the fashion advice, candidly. Which caused me to go shopping and buy purses. So I didn’t really have time to finish any of the aforementioned books. Alright, not so good on that resolution. I give myself a “C-.” No, a “D.”
2. I will drink 64oz. of water a day.
I did drink 64 oz. of water daily the first week of January. But then I had to pee every hour, which became highly inconvenient. And flushing the toilet every 60 minutes is a tremendous waste of gallons of water. So I decided that increasing my fluid intake was actually bad for the environment in the long run. So I stopped. (No need to thank me.) An “A+” for thinking "Green."
3. I will organize my entire house.
I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just give myself an “F” and move on.
4. I will purse a new hobby that will make me a more interesting person.
I did think about taking up something like cross-country skiing, but it looked….....cold. So I considered other options: Cake Decorating, Succulent Raising, Taxidermy. Nothing seemed right. So I decided that my current hobby of napping was actually very healthful to my body. Scientific studies have proven that! And there’s nothing more interesting than a healthy, well-rested person, correct? So why mess with what’s already working?? I am clearly a fabulously fascinating person because of the shut-eye. I ‘ll grade this one with an “A” for my brilliant foresight.
5. I will show self-control by not buying any more pets this year.
Well…….it all depends on how you look at it. I did acquire a small hamster. And then another. And then one more. And one to replace the one that was murdered by the dog. And then the first one died, so I honored her memory by buying another, which was the noble thing to do. But, I did not breed the hamsters, so I actually saved us from having hundreds. Nor did I buy the adorable puggle in the pet shop, tempted as I was. Or the cute terrier mix. Or the Siamese twin kittens with the blue eyes. So, I believed that I showed great improvement of character in the “impulsive pet purchasing” department. “B+.”

Overall, not too bad, yes? Oooooookay, pretty awful. Deplorable, even. But I can aim higher in ’08. Maybe I’ll resolve to write a screenplay or take up the harpsichord or win a Grammy. Who knows???