Positively Paring

Maybe it’s a reaction to having a mother who despised everything to do with the kitchen, but food interests me. A lot. It has, ever since I got my “Creative Cooking” Girl Scout badge. I hated Girl Scouts, but at least it birthed in me a love affair with The Culinary. I began collecting recipes from people at the tender age of ten. I’d interrogate my friends, “What did you have for dinner?”, and if it sounded intriguing, I’d run over to their house with an index card. I truly did that, as bizarre as it sounds. While other little girls were playing Barbies, I was organizing my recipe file. I was odd that way.

Uh huh, I publicly confess that I am a Foodie. I devour culinary mysteries, am addicted to The Food Network, and read cookbooks from cover to cover. My favorite movie of the summer was “Ratatouille.” I love The Yummy. Nothing is so soothing to me than preparing a fabulous meal. I light a candle, play a little “Madame Butterly,” and begin sautéing. With every sizzle and pop of the pan, cell after cell of my body relaxes. Who needs valium, when you can very easily fricassee?

So I’ve been cooking for years and years, primarily self-taught. Which is probably why I’ve never owned but one small knife. I’ve used it my entire adulthood to cut everything from sirloin tips to artichokes. I’ve never invested in a good set of cutlery, because I never really saw the point. A knife is a knife is a knife, I’ve believed.

But a friend who knows I love to cook gave me very generous early Christmas present; a complete set of cutlery. And Oh My Good Lord In Heaven, I have seen the light! Yes, folks, I have entered the Wonderful World of the 21st Century Epicurist. It feels like I’d been trying to light a fire with a flint rock, and someone handed me a blowtorch. Wahoo- Fireworks! I admit with utter abashment that I HAD NO IDEA I could cut everything effortlessly like this! DUH! And, different knives for different foods? What a concept!!

Ever since receiving this gift, I have been a Transecting Queen. With the precision of a brain surgeon, I carve, slice and shred. Got a chicken? I’ll debone with the best of them. Celery stalks? I’m a Chopping Maniac.

Right now I’ve got spaghetti sauce simmering in the crock pot, and the French bread is waiting to be warmed. But my hands are itching to julienne. So I need to go find a carrot, or something. Come on over to my house, and I’ll proudly show you my new set of cutlery. And dish you up a plate of something delicious.