Flying The Coop

I brought Little Squirt to his new school today to have his Individual Assessment. (Translation: Is Your Kid Smart Enough To Enter Kindergarten?) While my boy was meeting with his teacher, I sat in the waiting area and filled out an endless form, which asked questions such as:
What your child's 3 greatest strengths?
1. Lip syncing songs from multiple genres, with extreme proficiency in rap, reggae and 80s pop revised.
2. Making authentic farty noises with his armpits.
3. Incorporating the word “butt” into his every sentence.
What would your goal be for your child’s school success this year?
That he would officially learn to urinate only in the toilet. (I choose to aim high.) (Pun not intended.)

After I had finished with the questionnaire, I had time to sit and reflect, while I waited for Little Squirt. My Little Caboose…..The Grand Finale… The Last of the Fledglings....would be leaving the nest soon. (Sniff.) My child, who just yesterday was an adorable little bologna loaf with huge eyes and an ever-present smile, would be leaving me! I was handing him off to the professionals to be educated within these cold halls of academia. (Big sniff.)

Then the warm and sunny kindergarten teacher shuffled the beaming Little Squirt back to my presence. “He did very well,” she said. “We’ll see him when school begins next week!” Then she handed me a little Mother’s Survival Kit, complete with a tissue, cotton ball and tea bag. The note said, “Thank you for entrusting your child to me….After you have wiped your tears, make yourself a nice warm cup of tea. Put your feet up and relax. Then hold the cotton ball in your hand. The softness will help you to recall the gentle spirit of your child. I will work alongside you this year to help your child grow.”

(Sob.) My Baby Boy……My Munchkin Muffin..... I needed to use the tissue by the time I got to the car.