Star Student

I am suffering in Kindergarten Homework Hell this weekend. And it ain’t pretty! Little Squirt has his turn as the “Star Student” at school this week, which involves quite a bit of preparation on my part. Little Squirt is, as is typical, living in “Little Squirt World” with nary a care, allowing his mother to shoulder the myriad responsibilities.

He has brought home Teddy, the class mascot, with instructions to take him everywhere, and document the “Weekend with Teddy” with photographs and journal. So I have had to scrutinize Teddy’s whereabouts all weekend with the eagle-eye of a mother duckling, for fear he will be lost at some unknown location, or dropped into the slush, and then I would have to explain his destruction to a tearful kindergarten class and teacher. And, to really turn Bad into Ugly, my digital camera broke down on Saturday, forcing me to re-take all of Friday’s pictures of Little Squirt and Teddy with Butterfly’s camera, and then run to the store, begging and bribing the contrary photo employee to get them printed out right away. I got down on my knees. I actually did.

We’ve also needed to create a Little Squirt poster, with his likes and dislikes, favorite things, and photographic documentation of his babyhood up till the present. Did I mention that the last four years of photographs of this child’s life have been uploaded to the computer and never printed out? So I’ve scrambled around the house looking for pictures, any pictures, dear Lord, that he can put on his poster (this poor, dear, third child of the family with only two complete photo albums from 2002-2003). In a sad moment of desperation, I was tempted to cut pictures of black-haired child models out of a magazine and pass them off as his. This is what Kindergarten Homework Hell has turned me into: A Frazzled, Deceptive Mother who desperately would rather cheat on Kindergarten Homework so she can have time to take a Calgon bath with a big ol’ glass of pinot grigio.


(Big sigh.) It’s been stressful. Our busy Christmas season weekend has revolved around our little Star Student. Who, I might add, has had no inclination to do any of this homework. He has been too busy watching “Drake and Josh’s Christmas Special.” But, I must admit, seeing him hold Teddy’s hand all weekend has been darn adorable.