Solitude-ing

Project Pandemonium continues, but in a quieter, gentler manner. The industrial fans are gone (thank you, God!) and the Restoration Workerbees won’t be back until State Farm approves of their final quote. Our home is still in disarray, which is stressing the heck out of me, Control Freak that I am. But the boys have moved back into their bedrooms for the moment, until the Workerbees come back and repair their walls and put down carpeting and spray more of that Holiday Inn deodorizer. I’ve tried to put most of our things back in some semblance of order. For now, it feels like a bit of a reprieve. A cease-fire, if you will.

And I’ve been given a gift! Super Hubs, in his blessed thoughtfulness, gave me a Valentine’s gift of A Day of Solitude at a Jesuit Retreat Center to be utilized tomorrow. What glorious, heavenly timing to be granted a day away from the current chaos of my life! Early tomorrow morning I will head by myself to this beautiful turn-of-the-century type mansion on it’s rolling hills. I will bring my Bible, some books, a journal, and little else. The miserable weather forecast will not daunt me, for even if I cannot walk around on the grounds, I can hole up in the private room I’ll be given for the day. And try to still my ADHD soul. And be more receptive to the voice of God in my life. I need this time. I crave this time.

But here’s my fear. I am a people-person. Although I enjoy bits and pieces of alone time, I generally thrive in community. And I’m guessing that other people at this Jesuit Retreat House won’t be wanting to party with me. I’m assuming that if I get bored and lonely and fear isolation, I will begin exploring the mansion. Which will lead me to knock on random doors. And get all annoyingly chatty at the lunch table. Which will cause other Practicers of Solitude and Silence to become irritated with me. And possibly complain about me. And then I won’t be allowed back. They’ll hang a non-flattering poster of me by the doorway with a big X through it.

No. Noooo. I can do this. I need space in my life for solitude. I need a little quiet sanctuary away from the noise and the crowds where my inner sanctuary can thrive in the peace and hear from God. Jesus did it. I can try, too.

“Jesus withdrew to the wilderness to pray.” (Luke 5:16)