Senssssational

A generous friend gave me a gift card to a spa, and I finally decided to spend it this week. I couldn’t have the dog upstaging me in the ways of Pamperdom! I made an appointment to indulge in a full-body massage, or, in Spa-Speak: An Elemental Nature Massage.

I’ve had one other massage in my life only, mostly because I tend to be neurotic. There's something about lying unclothed on a table while a stranger touches me and judges my cellulite that unnerves me. But I decided to let go of my inhibitions and be freed-up to enjoy the experience, while a trained professional worked on the knots in my shoulders.

Still, I had a bit of angst as I walked through the Spa door. I was relieved when the receptionist asked me if I’d like a drink while I waited. “Oh, that’d be great!” I said with a sigh, thinking how a little inebriant would be perfect thing to help me relax. “I’ll take a Bellini!” I announced happily. Already my experience was sounding delightful! There was an awkward pause, and then she answered, “We have cucumber water, Aveda tea, or coffee.” Oh.

Cup of tea in hand, I followed the receptionist down the Massage Wing, where she led me to a quaint little locker room, with the instructions to change into a robe and slippers. Then she scurried away, leaving me to my privacy. I examined the contents of my locker. A thick robe, towel, and slippers. And what was this? A cute, cotton miniskirt with velcro to fasten. I changed into the skirt, robe and slippers. The ginormous robe would have comfortably fit a line-backer in uniform. And the slippers were five sizes too large. Nevertheless, I shuffled out to the private waiting room in my large Spa Getup, and sat gawkily sipping my tea. I listened to the piped-in New Age music and tried to de-stress. Ah yes, it was so soothing to be sitting naked in a strange living room, wearing a bathrobe that would have fit the Octomom right before delivery! I felt as sophisticated as a toddler looks wearing her mom’s dress-up clothes.

Sheena (as in Sheena, Queen of the Jungle) was to be my masseuse. I imagined her large and gruff, with big hands that enabled her to swing from tree to tree. But it was an exotic-looking brunette who greeted me professionally, and led me to a candle-lit room. She invited me to sit on a chair and have a foot soak while she brought me on a “journey of the senses.” I closed my eyes and chose from a trio of soothing fragrances. Eucalyptus. Then she asked me quietly, “Do you have any problem areas?” I sighed. This was wonderful! A bonus counseling session accompanying the footsoak! This must be what the literature meant by it being "wholistic."
“I am struggling to understand my teenager,” I asserted.
“I meant areas of tension in your body,” she said quickly. Oh. I paused awkwardly, recognizing that every muscle in my body was now rigid with embarassment.

Drying off my feet, she instructed me to take off my robe while she left the room, and then lay on the bed. “What about the skirt?” I asked. “Do I take that off as well?”
“Skirt?” she looked puzzled.
I lifted my robe to show her the cute cotton mini.
“That would be a facial towel,” she said without emotion, and left the room. Oh.

I lay on the bed, head down in the padded circular head-ring, trying to get comfortable. There must be a secret to this, I thought. How do I possibly relax when I am laying in an odd position and looking like an idiot?? It shouldn’t be this hard! I worried that I'd leave the massage experience more stressed than when I came in!

Sheena entered the room, rearranged my sheets, and began. Ahhh.....I let go. All sense of vulnerability and discomfit disappeared under her magic hands. She was good! I completely melted into the table as I felt every bit of tension loosen through her technique. My neurotic, anxious self viritually oozed into tranquility. I completely relaxed.

Bliss. I highly recommend a good massage every now and then. It was better than wonderful. And that, my friends, is Soul Care.