To V or Not TV?

We just purchased U-Verse, because I thought we needed to become even lazier than we already are. Why encourage my kids to read Jane Austin, when it’s easier for them to just flip through a smörgåsbord of 200 channels? Is having their minds dull and sluggish really such a bad thing? Now I can get rid of those nasty library cards! And what can be more bonding as a family than to hunker down on the sofa, watch the quality “Celebrity Plastic Surgery,” and gain 30# a piece of Twinkie weight?? Isn’t there an old adage that says, “The Family That Grazes Together Stays Together??” Or, if “Celebrity Plastic Surgery” is not to everyone’s liking, we can spread out upon the 4 TV’s in the house and each watch our own program. Ahhh, the beauty of diversity.

The U-Verse Dude was here at our home a few days ago setting this up. He examined our basement, fiddled around with the big silver box in the park across the street, and made nice with the shadowing Little Squirt. He fell on the floor laughing hysterically when he saw our bedroom television, purchased in the mid-eighties, complete with a knob to change channels. And in about four hours he’d worked his magic and we became a U-Verse Family.

Now I have no idea how to work the TV! The remote scares me. It’s got too many options and I’m afraid if I press the wrong one I will blow something up. Or red flag Homeland Security. But, although this was clearly not my idea (hence the dripping sarcasm in the first paragraph), I consented to the opinion of the majority. So off I go to learn U-Verse code words. I am delightedly finding out that I can record my favorite shows to watch later, kind of like Tivo in U-Verse Land. And if I am in a “Scott Bao” kind of mood, I can plug in his name, and up comes all the listings for “Happy Days” and “Charles in Charge.” And, I must admit, we’ve never had such a sparkling clear picture.

So maybe this won’t be such a bad thing after all. We do have long winters in Chicago…..