Practicing Solitude (Part 1)

I am not brilliant at getting places. I never look at maps, and I don’t follow directions well. Come to think of it, I don’t actually read the directions, which is clearly My Bad. I find directions boring. And that explains why I am often lost. I always think I know where I’m going, and try to find places on pure instinct, and then it turns out that I am very wrong. I have no Directional Instincts. I really ought to remember that. A GPS System would probably be a good birthday present for me, if you were wondering about a gift……

I showed up frazzled and later than I’d planned at the Jesuit House for my Day of Solitude. I was cranky that I’d gotten uber lost and driven 20 miles out of my way. I thought I knew where I was going, hadn’t listen well to my husband’s directions, and I was wrong. I stormed out of the car with my bag full of books, marched over to the monastic building, and pushed open the big red door. It creaked ajar, and I walked in. A sweet little woman came out of an office to the right, and greeted me. “Are you Kelly? I was expecting you! Let’s get you settled into your room, and then I’ll give you a tour.” My orneriness melted away under the warm gentleness of her manner. Even her voice soothed me. She gave me a tour of the monastery and a map, (Ha! She did not know with whom she was dealing.) and informed me that, as I was the only retreatant booked that day, I would have the run of the place. (Yipee!!) And that I was welcome to use the “Exercise Room” if I was in the mood for a workout. (On my day off? Was she kidding??) Then she left me alone in my private room, and vanished. I was on my own to begin my spiritual practices of Solitude and Silence.

I was a smidgen apprehensive. The long day stretched ahead of me. How would I fill an entire 8 hours by myself? I sat in a rocking chair overlooking the beautiful grounds and began by lighting a fragrant candle which I’d brought from home. But the wick was funky, and created a roaring, smoking flame that I feared would set off the fire alarms in my first few minutes at the monastery. That would not be an excellent way to endear myself to the good Jesuits who owned this house! Okay, no candle with crazy wick. But I had my Bible, a journal, and much reading material. I was about to get familiar with my new homies, Solitude and Silence.

My only plan was to have no plan. No agenda. No shouldas. (I should read this book. I should pray for this person. I should journal, because the Spiritual Giants journal, do they not??) No. Just try to keep my soul at peace, relish every simple moment, and trust God to move. I spent the next hour or so peacefully reading and listening.