The Red Crayon

It is Monday, and I am sincerely hoping that Little Squirt is off to a better start this week. Super Hubs brought him home from school the other day. I was working on the computer when they entered the house. My husband gently pushed my child in the doorway toward me and said, “Do you want to tell your mom or should I?” Little Squirt’s
head hung low in shame and guilt, much like the dog’s does when I catch him snacking from the cat litter box.

“What happened, baby??” I asked.
My youngest stammered for a bit. “I got…I got…..I got a RED CRAYON!!” He burst into tears.

In my son’s kindergarten classroom, his kind and wonderful teacher maintains order With Liberty And Justice For All by the threat of THE CRAYONS. Each student has a paper pocket hanging on the wall, and if a particular student’s behavior is bordering on the problematic, the child, to his mortification, gets a construction paper YELLOW CRAYON placed into his pocket. This is a visual symbol that he is treading in the “danger zone” of punishment, and better readjust his behavior. It is an "admonition." A "grace period" to re-think one’s conduct. A "warning" of impending consequences if one continues down this road. It is similar to receiving a lab report of a high cholesterol level. Or seeing a “Danger of Avalanche” sign on a ski slope. Or hearing the eerie theme music before the shark makes his kill in "Jaws."

But Little Squirt had not received a YELLOW CRAYON. Oh, no. He had managed to do what no other kindergartener has ever done: He had bypassed the dreaded YELLOW CRAYON and gone straight to the horrifying RED CRAYON. And a RED CRAYON is every kindergartener’s worst nightmare. It symbolizes that the child has been dreadfully dready dreadful and has participated in some horrendously deplorable behavior. In fact, the child has been so terribly naughty that he must sign a piece of paper that is sent home to the parent, and the parent must acknowledge that they are raising an Unruly Hooligan by signing and returning said paper promptly back to the teacher.

Little Squirt’s crime: He took a large drink of water from the drinking fountain, turned around, and squirted the entire mouthful onto the unsuspecting child behind him (who happened to be his friend, Connor). So Connor was showered by Little Squirt Water and rightfully miffed. Hence the RED CRAYON.

So we had a little parent-to-child talk with Little Squirt about being a Walking Health Department Citation and General Public Nuisance. And he was grounded for the day from Sponge Bob and gummy worms. And he made promises to apologize to his friend, renounce his life of iniquity, and commit to living the rest of his days as a law-abiding citizen we could be proud of. (And I humbly apologized to Connor’s sweet and forgiving mother.)

The next morning Little Squirt was angst-ridden about going back to school and pretended he had a fractured finger and then fake-vomited, but I saw through his wily ruse and sent him anyway. And he came home and said he and Connor had “talked it out” and were friends again. So all’s well that ends well.