Two of my animals are in the doghouse, please pardon the pun. The first offender is Kinsey the cat, who has taken to peeing on my bed. She did this several time yesterday, but it took me a while to put two and two together. I noticed a little odorous spot, but was all in denial, “No WAY would one of the cats pee on our new bedspread. They are far too considerate of my feelings and bedroom decor!” But then I caught her in the act. She was hunched over, down on her hind legs, micturating without a care in the world, as if it was just a giant Ralph Lauren litter box.
So we are not on speaking terms, and she’s been banned to the laundry room temporarily, at least until I figure out a better option. Euthanasia by benadryl??? Seriously, I realize that I probably need to take her to the vet to see what the Underlying Cause is. But I am aware that the Underlying Cause will not be discovered until after the vet has ordered thousands of dollars worth of CT scans and MRIs and blood work and ultrasounds and barium enemas. And perhaps, after being handed a vet bill the cost of my car, the Underlying Cause will be just plan old “Defiance.” Or “I’ve Got the Freakin’ Feline Lazies and Don’t Wanna Go Downstairs to the Litter Box.” Or “I Hate Your New Gold Ralph Lauren Bedspread and I’m Telling You That By Pissing on It." It’s why I hesitate to run her off to the Vet. I’m hoping her enforced “Time-Out” in the laundry room is giving her time to feel compassion and empathy for me (The Keeper of Her Free Room and Board), repent of her sinfulness, and vow to not only make things right again between us but to leave a special mark on the world. (That does not involve urine.) Super Hubs does not know about this yet. So please don’t tell him that he slept under a cat-pee soaked bedspread last night which I didn’t have time to wash. But it’s been cleaned today. And if anyone wants a free cat, just let me know……..
The other naughty pet is Rudy the dog. I had a bag full of chocolate eggs in my purse , a present from one of my Drama Team friends. And I left the purse on the floor last night, when I came home in a hurry from Drama Training to watch “Law & Order.” This morning, in the mood for a delicious energy boost of chocolate to munch on while I sipping my coffee, imagine my dismay when I found candy wrappers all over the floor of the kitchen and dining room. And no more chocolate. PLEASE DO imagine my severe distress when I discovered this offense, after spending the night under a cat pee-soaked bedspread! And what’s with the theory that chocolate is toxic to dogs?? I could only be so lucky!
Life is not kind to me this week! It seems there’s been some sort of conspiracy of the mammals in this house to plot to do nasty things to me. So now I want to drop-kick the whole furry lot of them out the window, so I can eat my chocolate under a clean Ralph Lauren bedspread in peace.
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2 comments:
My wife trained her cats with a water gun - no joke. Our dog has done this to us three times. The first time, I climbed into bed and thought, why am I cold and wet? Cleaned everything using that enzyme stuff too. Again, about a month later, a big spot in a different place. At this point, I think my wife thought I was "blaming the dog"... The third time, it was on the other side (wife's) and of course that solved one problem! We caught Chewy doing it that time, in mid transaction, and wifey knocked her across the room!!! Well, she really just pushed her off the bed, but I know that gimlet glance!
Chewy has also eaten up to a pound of chocolate a few times on raids, but you just have to make sure Rudy drinks plenty of water and takes it easy for a day or so (no food until things quiet down, we were told). Bakers chocolate/dark chocolate are poison for dogs per our vet. Milk chocolate just makes them feel sick for a while. Chewy gets hyper and actually will lie on the floor shivering for hours. You would THINK she would not want it any more....
Rudy's been fine with the chocolate. Maybe because it was Reese's??
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