Last night’s dinner out with friends was just the medicine my soul needed, as Jim, My Reader Friend suggested! We enjoyed delicious food while listening to an Irish band, and I did have that wonderful Dirty Martini. Just one, perfectly made. And we talked and laughed, and then finished our evening over at a coffee shop. The Healing Power of Community, at work in my body and soul.
And now I’m going to get a bit intense, here, without my usual sarcastic wit. All my resting time over the past two weeks of being ill has given me opportunity to reflect on the topic of "Friendship." I am so blessed currently to be in a season of life in which I have an abundance of wonderful friends. They are all dear to me, yet each fall within different “spheres” in my heart; a few close ones in my inner circle, a larger number floating outside of that, and then others that I am not particularly intimate with, yet enjoy some special interactions or fun on more of an occasional basis. The many layers of friendships.
And yet, I have also been reflecting on friendships that are not feeling good to me right now. I have been struggling with one or two friends that make me feel small, somehow. Friendships in which I feel, perhaps, a bit invisible. As if my life and my feelings and my dreams are made to feel much less important than theirs, in subtle ways. Relationships in which I feel like I do most of the giving, listening, encouraging, and moving towards. Ones that don’t shoulder mutuality. I am talking about Toxic People. People that struggle with feelings of worthlessness, and it plays out in the ways they treat me.
I read a fabulous book called “Cold Tangerines” a few months ago. And recently I heard the author being interviewed on the radio. And she talked about such Toxic Friendships. People that are unwilling to point us towards the goodness of God in our lives. People that are unable to rejoice in our successes. Friends whom, when they leave our presence, make us feel soul-drained. Unsafe. Crazy.
So I am reflecting on that. I recognize that I have qualities in my personality that often attract unhealthy, selfish friends. I am a nurturing caregiver by nature, often at cost to my own emotional health. And I’m not okay with that anymore. I’m in a growing place. And last night’s dinner with good friends reminded me of how much I need to surround myself with people that are “medicine to my soul.” Life is too short and precious to settle for anything less.
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Excellent column. I read this last night before bed and thought I would come back to it today and see if my thoughts had changed. My friend Debbie and I were talking about this recently. She put it in terms of being around people and things that are negative and choosing instead to find people and things that are positive and get them into the center of your life. Debbie is the queen of great feedback and supporting/uplifting comments. My sister, MB, is another who is really great at this and you just feel better after talking to her, even if it's about something really serious. I'm trying to learn to be more this way myself. May I say that not really knowing you, your positive "energy" and attitude really do shine through in your writing and I hope that you will continue to write your blogs and share with us.
I hope you have a Blessed & Wonderful day!
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