A Look In The Mirror

I have been on a quest, for the past few weeks, of try to find the perfect skin care line for myself. In a frenzy of energy, based mostly on fear of the awareness that I have a birthday coming up in a few short months and no, the years are not going backwards, I have polled all my girlfriends and spent hours on internet research. And I have come to this profound conclusion (which one of my girlfriends had wisely already told me): THERE IS NO PERFECT SKIN CARE LINE! What is right for one woman, may not be right for another.

And so, that being said, I strolled into the mall this weekend with a generous gift card I’d received as a Christmas present. I headed straight to the Clinique counter, where I had a chance (or call it fate) encounter with a salesperson that I happen to know. She’s the older sister of my daughter’s friend and she’s very young and has beautiful skin.…..anyway. I told her to give me the low down on skin care for my 40-something self. What do I do? What do I need? I have tried every product known to mankind; from the low-budget to the costly, and I have been whipsawed back and forth trying to decide what works best for me because this person says I need this and that person says to try that but gosh darn it, I cannot please them all! What is right for me?? Me me me?? Why do I feel swept away by every current that comes into the harbor? Every commercial, every advertisement, every opinion? Why do I feel like I need to please every person in my life??

Then she wisely told me that she would help me with the skin care, but I would have to figure the rest of the questions out with my therapist. She patiently explained to me about all the products, then asked specific questions about my skin: Was it dry? Oily? Prone to break-outs? Losing elasticity? Carefree and content? And then she helped me with my purchases, rung up my order, and put my new skin care line in a cute little green bag, with the assurance that I would, from now on, have “happy skin.” Happy Skin! What a delightful thought! I felt truly peaceful and cared about, as if I had just been through an intense therapy process. So I jumped up on the Clinique counter and yelled, “NOW I KNOW WHO I AM! I am a Clinique woman! It was the skin care line that I used in my early 20's and I loved it and felt comfortable with it because it worked for me! And I don’t care what anybody else tells me; I know that from now on I will use Clinique! And I will be happy!”

I actually did not jump on the counter and yell out those things because: A.)I am WAY too inhibited, and B.) I get vertigo very easily. But I did think about doing something like that. Because I am feeling lately that this disquieting in my soul about what kind of skin care products I should use is really about a bigger issue that is more than just skin deep (please pardon the epidermis pun.) I am feeling lately like I am trying to please so many people in my life and losing touch with who I am at the core. When I truly know who I am and how I am wired, I can respond to life out of a grounded, centered place of confidence in what I need to do. This is who I am, darn it, and I will give out of the love that is in my heart rather than giving based on what you tell me to do!

Yes, I long to be one of those women who knows without a doubt what skin care line she uses. If someone comes into my Master Bathroom; the most private, intimate room in my home, they will see my Clinique soaps and toners and creams spread out on my counter. Then they will say; “Oh, I know who Kelly is. She is a Clinique woman.” I’ve been a Clinique woman from the very beginning. I had just forgotten. And today, I need to go back to who I am. Because sometimes I need to remember.