Wanted: Preferably Dead

I have Good News! The Cutlery Drawer Spider has been apprehended! Yahoo for justice! I’ll do the honor of giving my loyal readers The Scoop before they read it in tomorrow’s Police Blotter.

While Super Hubs was busy sipping margaritas and tanning his backside by the Arizona pool this week, I manned the forts here at home. I was occupying myself with something domestic in the kitchen the other day, when suddenly I caught sight of the Hairy-Legged Thug scuttling across my ceiling, attempting a covert getaway. I’m certain it was the same spider; I’d recognize his evil countenance anywhere.

Normally, I leave Spider Slaying to the men in the family, as Butterfly is just as arachnophobic as I am. But the only “man” home at that time was Little Squirt, my 5-year-old. So I had no choice. In the interest of protecting my little child, I had to take action. I swallowed my repulsion; mustered up all the courage I could, and launched my attack. In an aggressive assault equal to a wartime “Shock and Awe,” I fought the spider with weapons which included a broom, a soup ladle and my shoe. The pugnacious evil insect seemed ready for my every move, darting this way and that, and then running across the kitchen table. Which is when Little Squirt came up behind me and calmly smashed it to pieces with his balloon. “It’s dead, Mommy,” he said, wiping the balloon off with his elbow, and heading back to his video game. My Hero!

So we celebrated by sterilizing all the silverware, and then headed out to our favorite Italian restaurant for dinner. Justice is served.