After several days of brainstorming future career possibilities, I have come to a decision on what I would like to do with the rest of my life. I am going to be a Pet Psychic. Now hear me out.
Super Hubs and I had dinner with my Drama Team last night, and one of the actors had us in hysterics over this story. A few months ago, he had given his hyper, out-of-control Golden Retriever, Gracie, to another family that has a large property and a Labrador. And my friend had recently called to check on the Golden, see how she was adjusting to her new home, and asked if he could come and visit. And the new owner told him that she had taken Gracie to a “Pet Communicator” who said that Gracie said she was not yet ready for a visit with her old family, because it was too confusing for her during this transitional season. And to begin her life afresh, she had chosen to change her name to Daisy May. (You read that right.) The dog changed her own name. To Daisy May. According to this Pet Communicator. (I am not making this up.)
Oooookaaaay. (At the risk of offending all the Pet Psychics who read my blog) WHAT A SCAM!! But, good for these opportunists who capitalize on the innocence of people who simply long for insight into the relentless barking of Fido. Or who want to better understand why Fluffy has been peeing on their Manolo Blahniks. Or better yet…….how Spot is faring since he’s “crossed over.” Yes, these Pet Psychics even claim to communicate with dead mammals! WHAT a racket!!
So I will wear a large purple caftan with a big crystal around my neck, and call myself “Sister Moonbeam, Animal Communicator.” And then I’ll charge $100 per 30 minute phone consultation. More if the pet is alive and well and on my premises. And much more if I have to decode a message from The Great Beyond. And, in no time at all, I’ll be flush. Perhaps I can buy that yacht I’ve been longing for.
I don’t believe it will be difficult to feign I mean telepathically understand what a pet is trying to communicate. In fact, I’ll start right now! I’ll read my cat, Peppermint, through Thought Transference. Hark- I can hear his very cognition! He’s saying, “Get out of my face with that damn camera, and let me continue my career of slothing.” See how easy that was for me??
I believe I will have a very lucrative business! Please remember to refer me to the Easily Exploitable.
Sister Moonbeam, A.C.
1 comment:
Just excellent! The only thing missing is Tarot cards and tea leaves? It's amazing how much people project onto their pets. Other people. Because, I know that Chewy loves me and really understands me while I talk to her. I'm not sure about the kids though (love, yes, but understand? listen? Hmmmm)
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