Think Blonde

A French scientific study recently came out which showed that men dropped intelligence points after being around blondes. I am not making this up.

Now, as a blonde, I must take issue with this particular study. First of all, I highly doubt that if I were a brunette, I’d be any smarter………….Wait. That didn’t come out right. What I meant to say is that any ignorance I have has nothing to do with my hair color…………No, that wasn’t said well either. Let’s move on.

I actually am pretty smart, probably more so than people realize. I am not “Nuclear Physicist Smart” maybe, but I’m “Normal Smart.” I can hold down a job and multi-task and find my way home from the mall. I can even make a mean Marlin Roulade, which is not nearly as easy as it sounds. And possibly I could be a Nuclear Physicist if I wanted to. I just don’t want to, because it doesn’t sound like fun. (No offense to you, if you are a Nuclear Physicist. I hold what you do for a living in high regard. The world needs more Nuclears. And I’m sure you sometimes have fun.)

Now let me rebut this study. First of all, are blondes really dumb? And if that’s true, then are they saying that brunettes are more intelligent? I do not agree, and here's why: I happen to have a hamster who is a brunette, and he is not smart at all. He’s been running around on his wheel 20 hours a day for the past 3 months. Last week I moved his wheel half an inch to the left, and he couldn’t find it. He’s still looking for it. And then I have a blonde hamster who is……..well, actually she’s dumber than a box of rocks, too. She cannot tell a kibble from a finger. Never mind. The theory may not work on rodents. But I have all kinds of human friends, and I must say that I find the blondes equally as intelligent as the brunettes. That’s my first point.

My second point is this: If the men in this study “dumbed themselves down” after being around blondes, then would their IQs increase after being around brunettes? And how about redheads? So, in theory, I could run out to Ulta and get a box of Loreal #4C Dark Ash Brown, do the dye job, then hang out with my kids and be assured they’d be heading to a future at Harvard. I doubt it. I happen to be the only blonde in a family of dark brunettes. Which, if the theory holds true, should make me “Nuclear Physicist Smart” just by Brunette Approximation Saturation. And as I mentioned before, I am not.

And lastly, if it is true that blondes are dumber, then is it also true that “blondes have more fun?” I must say a resounding "YES!” I happen to have a lot of fun, but I then I came out of the womb ready to party. I am a Sanguine, and Sanguines go through life having fun. It’s just my personality type. I live for All Things Fun. I am married to a Melancholy who doesn’t like to have nearly the fun that I do. He takes life much more seriously. And he is also a lot smarter than me. And a brunette, which actually doesn’t help my point at all.

I don’t know. I just think that maybe the French scientist should have not wasted precious time and money on such nonsensical research. And that’s all I have time to say. I must run out to the salon now. All this "blonde talk" has made me realize my roots are showing.