Navel Gazing

In light of my N.D.E. (Near Death Experience) of this past weekend, I am in a rare, introspective mood. Usually I try to avoid introspecting because it gets in the way of my having fun. But then, I also try to avoid N.D.E.s, because they get in the way of my……..well, peace of mind. But because of them both occurring consecutively, I’ll introspect for a bit. About my N.D.E.

Introspecting away now. Get ready. Here goes.

I’ve been given a second chance at life, is how I am seeing it. So. What should I do about that? Hmmmm. Well, today I cleaned out my linen closet and a kitchen utensil drawer. It felt right, somehow, but a bit empty. I guess it’s a start. Hmmm again. The start of what? Should I start cleaning up some other things? Deeper things? Like maybe some relationships that haven't been working well? Or perhaps my goals for the future? Or even my pale pink purse with the trendy heart-shaped key chain??? No. No and no. I hate cleaning and avoid it at all cost.

I think possibly I am supposed to develop a new zest for living. Yes! Make the most of every day! Become annoyingly optimistic! I’ll share my mantra with everyone who will listen: “The glass is not only half-full, it’s continually flowing over.” I’ll inspire others with my rose-colored view of every situation! No. Noooo. I don’t want my friends to roll their eyes behind my back. I want them to like me. And people don't like Pollyannas. Forget optimism.

Perhaps I’ll vow to celebrate life! I'll travel to see the Seven Wonders of the World. I have no idea what they all are but they sound intriguing! And interesting!..... And expensive. Very expensive, and Super Hubs would not like that in lieu of my recent on-line ordering from Sephora. No. We don’t have the budget to travel the world right now. (Or order more makeup from Sephora. He's banned me from that website.)

So maybe I’ll better myself mentally. I’ll become a fabulously interesting person by memorizing the “Letter X” of the Wikipedia or something. People will invite me to all their dinner parties because of my incredible, interesting head for knowledge! I’ll be not only entertaining but inspiring in my quest for facts and spurring others onto higher education! No. No again. I deplore memorizing. And facts. They are not fun. And besides, nobody likes a “Know It All.”

Maybe I should become an amazing humanitarian like Angelina Jolie. (Without the gorgeousity and world-famous husband.) I could visit orphanages and refugee camps in warn-torn countries! I’d attract people to doing good for others! I’d be a modern day Mother Theresa! (With a slightly better wardrobe. No offense to her. But I don’t look good in white. I’m too fair.) Yes. The life of a Philanthropist is definitely for me!.... Except that I have three children to take care of. Three children with ties to this city and no desire to be uprooted to various countries at present. Okay, forget the altruism at this time. Maybe in later years.

I don’t know. What do I do with this N.D.E. and second chance at life? I guess I’ll keep introspecting. When it’s convenient and I'm less tired. Right now I am pining for a glass of wine and spaghetti dinner. So maybe for tonight, I’ll just enjoy the ordinary, and celebrate that I am having a delicious meal with my beloved family.