Welcome Aboard!

It’s just insane, this weather. We’ve had something like a billion inches of snow this winter. So a friend and I, lamenting about our hatred of all things cold and wet, began talking about cruises. And how much she loves them. And I listened and nodded and pretended to agree. But I have a confession, just between you and me. I really hate cruises. And I know that sounds odd, because every person that I know loves cruises. But here’s why I hate them: I had a bad experience once, cruising the South China Sea.

We spent a month in Hong Kong a few years ago, when our first two kids were young. Super Hubs was sent there to teach a college class, and we decided we’d go over as a family. Every day we’d see the cruise ships come into the harbor from our high-rise hotel, so on our very last weekend of the trip, we decided to indulge a little, and take the kids on a 24 hour cruise of the South China Sea. I thought it’d be like sailing on The Love Boat. It sounded so exciting and romantic, and I also figured I’d get a lot of mileage out of the story for years to come at highbrow cocktail parties. “Where did we cruise to? Oh no, Dahling, not the Caribbean! That’s so ordinary! We decided to cruise the South China Sea.” (Not that I go to many highbrow cocktail parties. I actually don’t go to any. Yet. Maybe some day I’ll be invited.)

The cruise began well, before the ship actually took off. Or drove? No… swam. (Whatever cruise ships do.) It was a Norwegian cruise line, yet we were the only Anglo passengers, which I found excitingly interesting. We took a tour of the ship, which had every amenity known to the East, including a live performance by The Famous Eric Wu. (??? I had no idea who he was, but if you do, please tell me.)

I was a little apprehensive, because the forecast had predicted a monsoon. And sailing in monsoons generally makes me nervous. The sky was gray, and it began to rain buckets as we first boarded. The weather did not deter my children in the least. They ran like banchees into the pool and down the water slides. They played video games, had their caricatures done, rode up and down the elevators, and had an outstanding time overall. They thought the rain made the cruise fun! I however, felt sicker than a dog from the moment the ship swam. No…..sailed. Yes, sailed! The monsoon arrived, as predicted, which caused ferocious waves, hence making the ship rock back and forth so much that our dinner plates fell off our tables. And I walked into walls. I began to feel, not only extremely queasy, but extremely terrified. I was certain we were going to die. And I did not want my children to die in the South China Sea.

So I decided I would go find The Captain, and warn him that I had a premonition that our ship would sink like the Titanic. Was he aware that sailing in a monsoon was potentially dangerous?? Maybe he should think about turning back! Certainly we should adorn ship-sinking-emergency-wear! Or at least alert the Chinese Coast Guard! I was sure The Captain would need my advice. So after dinner, Super Hubs took our kids to watch a movie, and I went down to find The Captain. After receiving numerous directions from passengers and crew who spoke worse English than I speak Mandarin, I found the Captain’s Bridge. And behind a glass window, I could see The Captain, holding the wheel and conning the ship. He was a tall, blond, distinguished-looking man with a beard; a Nordic “god” in uniform. The look on his face was one of total peace. He was a man in control, and wasn’t a bit concerned about the thrashing waves or the roaring wind. He turned to look at me, and could see the terror in my eyes. We communicated without words. He smiled and nodded, and gave me a “thumbs up.” And I felt waves of relief rush over me. (Please pardon the pun.) My fear was gone.

I thought about him all night long, as I lay wide awake in my bottom bunk; the boat continuing to tip back and forth, my stomach clenched in pain and queasiness. I pictured The Captain in control, at the helm, steering the ship safely through the storm.

I’ve gone back to that image, during times that I feel I will not survive the “storms” and chaos that life sometimes delivers. Moments when I am overwhelmed by fear. Or hurt. I think of God as being like that ship’s Captain; tall and beautiful, steering the wheel of the ship that is my life, giving me a “thumbs up” sign. “I’ve got it all under control, Kel. No worries. >Trust me.”

Our ship survived the monsoon, and the sun came out the next morning, just as we were docking. I was never so glad to see land! I ran off the ship and kissed that beautiful Hong Kong soil, much to the embarrassment of the demure Chinese.

So, that was my story. It pretty much ruined the cruise experience for me. Friends tell me I should give it another try someday, and bring lots of Dramamine. I don’t know. I think I prefer to vacation on land, where, if running into a monsoon, I can hide in a dry basement or something.

But I ask you, Readers: Why do you like to cruise? I’d really love to know. Please don’t be shy. Come out of lurking and be known. I’d love to hear your comments, and then maybe I’ll reconsider the cruise thing.