I'm BAAD!

I am practically a Super Hero! Ahem…Super Heroine. I single-handedly fought off gang-bangers with weapons today at the local park. Yes, Moi! I was all in-your-face, “Don’t mess with this Vigilante Mama!"………………Well, sort of. They might not actually have been gang-bangers, per se, but 80# middle school boys. And their “weapon” was a single wooden bat. And I wasn’t exactly alone with them........if you count the police officer….....Let me start at the beginning.

I was innocently sitting on a bench at our neighborhood playground, keeping one eye on my chic-lit book and keeping another eye on Little Squirt. Out of nowhere came four middle-school boys with longish hair and unruly attitudes. They threw a garbage can into the park, rolled it over and laughed as trash came tumbling about. One carried a bat, which he swung haphazardly around, not caring that there were pre-schoolers in his path. They parked their incorrigible selves at the top of the monkey bars and began using filthy language and hitting the equipment with the aforementioned bat.

I am a pretty patient, tolerant person under most circumstances. But this was our peaceful playground, where small innocent children such as Little Squirt hang out. And the sign at the entrance specifically states, “Children under 12 only.” One should obey the rules.

Me: “Hey guys, please pick up the garbage can and the trash.”
Unruly Hooligans: (Disrespectful laughter.)
Me: (More sternly) “Did you hear me? I said to pick up the trash, please. There are little children trying to play.”
Unruly Hooligans: (More disrespectful laughter and filthy language.)
Me: (Picking up my pink cell phone with the jeweled butterfly charm and pretending to dial.)
Unruly Hooligans: (Possibly shaking with fear. I didn’t actually notice.)
Me: (Pretending to dial more fervently.)
Unruly Hooligan #1: “She’s calling the cops.”
Unruly Hooligan #2: (Runs to pick up garbage can and trash.)
Me: “Thank you.”
Another mother: “They are frequent offenders. I am calling the police for real.”

And so the police officer arrived a few minutes later, much to the hoodlums’ surprise. And he wrote them up and gave them a harsh talking-to. Law, order and propriety prevailed, and the pleasant playground was restored to peace and harmony once again. Glory, Glory, Halleluiah.

There is no need to honor me with a parade. Reflecting on the fact that I was just doing my civic duty without any thought to my own personal safety is reward enough. And now I have a taste for the blood of justice. Dang, it was fun! I’m thinking of starting a “Vigilante Mamas” group or something. We’ll wear matching pink t-shirts, and perps will quiver when we walk by them in our ballet flats, swinging our Louis Vitton handbags. We’ll case all the parks and Toys ‘R Us stores, rounding up thugs by displaying a furrowed waxed brow and bogus cell call, tapped out by our French manicured nails.

I got a glimpse, today, of what it would have been like for my childhood fantasy to come true. I shamelessly admit that I always wanted to be a “Charlie’s Angel.”

EEEK!!

One thing I hate about the warmer weather is that spiders have decided to make their horrid presences apparent in my home. I don’t know where they go in the winter. Maybe they hide or hibernate or vacation in Hell. I don’t really care. I just don’t want them in my house. They are unwanted, uninvited, malefic detestable interlopers. And so they must die.

Now I am not interested in any negative comments on my blog from PETA. (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arachnids.) So if you are from PETA and read this post and are offended, please be aware that I have done extensive spider research: I read “Charlotte’s Web” four times as a child. And so I know that spiders kill Bad Insects. But here’s the thing: Spiders are Bad Insects. They kill House Flies by sucking their blood. That's just evil. I saw one do this once. And some spiders are poisonous, and can stop your heart by one single bite. House Flies do not try to murder you. They just sort of aviate around your food, buzz by your ear, and then keel over after you swat them.
Spiders = Bad.
Flies = Annoying.
Clearly, I’d rather have “Annoying.”

I realize that not all spiders are poisonous, but how do we distinguish? I heard that the Black Widow Spider has a bite that is ten times more venomous to the human than the bite of a rattlesnake. (Oi Vey!) Oookay...... I’m certainly not rolling over the next trespassing arachnid to check its belly with a magnifying glass. Let’s just call them all bad and be done with it.

The other evening, as I was chopping vegetables for my Cheeseburger Paradise Soup, I noticed a shadow by my left eyeball. It was a spider, casually shimmying down the ceiling on its filament, less than an inch from my hair. So I did what any normal red-blooded American woman would do. I panicked. I screamed and began wildly slashing with my butcher knife. Then I grabbed a nearby bottle of Windex and sprayed madly. After I washed the Windex out of my eye, I saw the evil arachnid drop onto my counter, and scuttle away on its gross hairy legs into my cutlery drawer. I slammed the drawer shut and screamed for Rock Star, who searched the cutlery drawer with a glance and declared the Spider “Gone.” Gone? Gone where?? Oh Dear God, WHERE DID IT GO???

I have not been near my cutlery drawer since, in case the spider is a Black Widow and hiding under the sugar spoon, wickedly planning my demise when I venture near its lair. So we are eating with plastic until Super Hubs agrees to either bring in an exterminator or presents me with the Cutlery Drawer Spider’s corpse on a platter.
(Big sigh.) It’s all been extremely stressful.

My Spider Blogging has given me itchy skin and a rampant case of the Heebie-Jeebies, so I must run now and take a shower with a potent germicide. Peace out. And beware. They are out there. Watching you.

A Little "Bob Dylan"

Didn’t you deplore the times when you were a child and your parents, without your blessing or consent, would sign you up for something you didn’t want to do, and then declare it “Good For You”?? Super Hubs and I channeled our parents last night when we announced to Rock Star that he would play his guitar at an “Open Mic” coffee bar. Our friends’ son had been performing there regularly and enjoyed it, and we believe Rock Star would, too. And any opportunity to have Rock Star be exposed to acoustic guitar music of genres that didn’t include his preferred Heavy Metal (whose cords grate on my last baby nerve so much they make me want to shoot myself) is a Very Good Thing.

Rock Star: “I won’t go. I hate playing acoustic!”
Us: “It’ll be good for you.”
Rock Star: “I only like playing Heavy Metal on my electric. I’m not going!”
Us: “It’ll be good for you.”

So he went under deep protest. My usual complacent, laid back teen was a snarling, hissing mass of anger as we drove him over in the car. The venomous dark cloud he was enveloped in was so thick you could’a cut it with a butter knife. But we knew it would be good for him.

And it was! The trendy coffee bar housed a group of several men and teens that sat in a circle with their acoustic guitars, and played music together to entertain the patrons. Super Hubs and I spent our Date Night drinking wine at a corner table (The place even had a liquor license, God bless its hospitable soul!) and wondering if our son would ever speak to us again. But we watched him relax, be encouraged by the other musicians, and (could it be??) veritably enjoy himself. He actually seemed to be glowing with pleasure!

He later admitted what a great time he’d had, and asked if he could go again next week. Huh. What do you know? We were right. I do believe it had been good for him!

Wheat Grass Smoothie, Anyone?

In the wake of my recent birthday, I have some exciting news to share. I have begun a new diet! Perhaps you’ve heard of it? It’s called “Eating Healthy.” It’s all about….well, eating healthy, such as including at least 5 fruits or vegetables a day into your diet, as well as whole grains, protein, and other things that sound grotesque but are supposedly nutritious. It encourages cutting out sugar and white flour and caffeine, and increasing lots of fresh water. This “Eating Healthy” Diet is supposed to give you more energy, ward off illness, make you look younger and live longer. It sounds brilliant, does it not?? “Well, duh!” you say. But I must confess that I am addicted to junk food. My name is Kelly and I am a Junk-Food-Aholic. All: “Hi Kelly!” But it’s been so much fun! Such frivolity! A pleasurable, yummy ride on the Roller Coaster of Crapola Dining! But now, sadly, it must come to an end. Good-bye, Shameless Gorge-Festing! I shall miss you loads. (Sniff.)

I have inherited both a fast metabolism and waif-like figure from my mother, which are a blessing and a curse. A curse because I get lazy. I assume I can eat whatever I want whenever I want. But last week’s birthday reminded me that I am getting a bit older, and I realize that if I continue on my Salt-Sugar-Caffeine Diet, I will wake up one day and be rather large. Or rather diabetic. Or rather dead. Hence the new “Eating Healthy” Diet.

So I cleaned out my pantry and fridge, tossing out most of the salty snacks and pop tarts and fudgsicles and horseradish. (The latter because we had 4 bottles of horseradish, and the fresh-ist one expired in November of ’04. We only use horseradish on the rare occasion, in which I forget that I have some and buy another bottle. But I digress.) And I have begun to add only nutritious, wholesome foods. Go me! No more cheetos and Dr. Pepper for breakfast. Adios to hiding Hostess Cupcakes from my kids so I can eat them surreptitiously. If I have a salty craving, now I grab a handful of nuts. If I have a yen for sugar, I currently eat a piece of grapefruit……with sugar on it. (But it’s better than jelly-bellies, so don’t judge me! I said I was “Eating Healthy," I did not say I was going all "Buddhist Monk!") I still allow myself one can of soda a day. And an alcoholic beverage on occasion. And 4 Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups from Target today. But that was only because I had been shopping for a while and my blood sugar was dropping…….never mind.

I’ll let you know how it goes. I’ll admit it ain’t easy. But if the pay off is looking better and feeling better, it might be worth it. As long as I can have the occasional Snickers or mojito without guilt, I’m all for longevity. And more of me over your lifespan is always a good thing! Here’s to my health!

How They've Flown!

19 years ago today, I stood at the back of the Catholic church of my youth. I was wearing a vintage ivory gown, worn by my grandmother on her wedding to my grandfather in 1938. I held lilies. I was feeling anxious because the flowers had arrived late, some of my relatives were still in route, and the service was about to begin. My Maid of Honor, not oblivious to my tension, grabbed me by the shoulders and said, “Just focus on your groom. Let everything else go, and just keep your eyes on him.” I took a deep breath and the arm of my father, and headed down the aisle to Pachelbel’s Cannon, keeping my eyes on my husband-to-be.

Almost two decades have passed. I still keep my eyes on him; marveling every day that I ended up with such an amazing man.

Happy 19th Anniversary, Baby!
"...I found the one my heart loves..." (Song of Solomon 3:4)

Insomnia

Very Early Monday Morning:
1:00a.m. Unidentified sound rouses me from sleep. Try without success to identify noise.
1:00-1:03a.m. Use facilities. Wash hands. Climb back into bed.
1:03-1:30a.m. Close eyes-relax mind-watch clock. Close eyes-relax mind-watch clock. Check on sleeping children. Close eyes-relax mind-watch clock.
1:30-2:15a.m. Freak about being unable to fall asleep. Worry about the economy. Mentally replay the day’s conversations. Tell husband to stop snoring. Wonder when library books are due.
2:15-2:58a.m. Worry about my health. Freak about being unable to fall asleep.
2:58-3:10a.m. Resent everyone who is sleeping. Think about avenging the wrongs of my enemies. Crave jelly-bellies.
3:10-3:27a.m. Consider getting up for the day. Scold a rambunctious cat. Close eyes- relax mind-watch clock.
3:27-3:43a.m. Plan redecoration of Master Bathroom. Consider future vacation options.
3:43-4:06a.m. Drift off to sleep.
5:50a.m. Alarm blares. Drag my exhausted self out of bed and straight to coffee maker.
Insomnia stinks.

Shaken But Alive

I’m guessing you were terribly worried about me, considering that I was in an earthquake and all. And not posting yesterday probably made you fear the worst. Was I buried alive under a pile of rubble? Or perhaps, having been knocked over the head by a dangling billboard, was I in a coma; my family keeping vigil by my bedside? No and no, thankfully. I am happy to report that we are alive and well. All five of us. And our pets. And neighbors. And all of Chicago area, actually.

One of the nice things about living in Chicagoland is that we have few natural disasters to fear. Wildfires? Not likely. Hurricanes? Never. Tsunamis? Impossible. Tornadoes? Possibly, although I’ve never been near one in almost 40 years of living here. They usually only hit trailer parks, and we don’t live in one. So who would have guessed IL would have an earthquake?? Harrowing as it was, I’ll share my story for all interested parties so they can take notes. I’ve heard it’s healing to do that. So here goes.

Early Friday, at about 4:30amish, Super Hubs and I woke up to hear what sounded like a rumbling from our closet. We assumed it was one of the cats making the noise, and then we fell back to sleep. And that was it. We didn’t realize it was a tremor from an earthquake in central IL that measured 5.2 on the Richter scale until we listened to the news the next morning. My kids slept through the terrifying danger and had no idea.

It was kind of disappointing, actually. No broken china. No running for cover under a doorway. No press interviews. No book deals or “move-of-the-week” contracts. Just a slight rumble that we blamed on a cat. At least it’ll make a breath-taking story to share with our grandchildren someday. (If we extremely exaggerate.)

But it was stressful, nonetheless, considering what might have happened. So we went out to dinner that night with my BFFs and their spouses, where we shared Thai food and conversation, and then headed to a club. The women sat at one table and drank margaritas and Red Apple sangria and talked about their feelings and menstrual cycles. The men sat at another table, drank beer and looked at their watches. Typical.

Buying A Bedspread

Super Hubs and I went today to pick out a new comforter for our bed because our current comforter, which I just purchased 6 months ago:
A.) Had several tears already; the cheap piece of “Made in Taiwan” polyester.
B.) Our cat had peed on it twice.
(Mostly because of “B.”)

So we went to Bed Bath & Beyond because:
A.) It had a fine selection of home goods.
B.) We had a coupon for 20% off.

I was looking for a comforter that:
A.) Matched our Master Bedroom Décor.
B.) Was pretty.

Super Hubs was looking for a comforter that:
A.) Was inexpensive.
B.) Was warm.
C.) Was waterproof.

So we settled on one that:
A.) Matched our Master Bedroom Décor.
B.) Was pretty.

So I’m happy. And actually, as long as the cat is forbidden from our bedroom for now and forevermore, Super Hubs is happy. So we all won. (Except the cat.)

Too Easy!

I was born for a day such as this; the sunshine, the temperature hovering in the 70’s, dusting off my flip flops from their long winter’s nap…….mortifying my teenage daughter. And without even trying!

I cheerfully pulled into her high school parking lot today to pick her up, with my windows rolled down and singing to “Hey Mickey” which was blasting from the CD player. “Oh Mickey, What a pity you don’t understand, you take me by the heart and you take me by the hand….”

“Mom- STOP! Turn that off! Everyone can hear you! OMG you are SO embarrassing!" Butterfly got into shotgun and slumped down in her seat. Which made me giggle, turn up the music, and add a little bootie dance to my vocal entertainment as I drove through the parking lot.

“Mom, I mean it! STOP! I’ve never embarrassed you!!” Never embarrassed me?? Hmmm. Let me think. Should I mention all the times she was a toddler and threw tantrums in public places like the library, causing me to carry her out to the car kicking and screaming and enduring judgmental glares from the patrons? Or how about the “tampon incident” when she passed out the aforementioned unmentionables as lollipops to her friends and their parents at one of her birthday parties? Or when she was three, and shared with my uptight mother that her baby brother had had his first erection? Or when she told her new first grade teacher, on a home visit, that her parents sometimes locked her in the closet? (Totally untrue. We would never do that. She had a wild imagination.)

Oh, so many stories of parental humiliation! And now I had mortified my daughter. And it was so easy! Which leads me to brainstorm bigger and even more potentially embarrassing situations. Should I wander through the high school cafeteria next week at lunchtime, wearing a fuchsia floral muumuu with cowboy boots and calling her name? Maybe Super Hubs and I should volunteer to be chaperons at Prom, and attempt a Jennifer Gray/Patrick Swayze routine on the dance floor? Ooooooh, so many ideas!

“Oh Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind, Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!” Revenge is soo sweet.

Happy Birthday, Rock Star!

I remember the first time I laid eyes on you. You scrunched up your chunkerello cheeks and gave me a big dimply smile. I fell in love on the spot. You, my sweet, gentle son, are a gift!

I love the way you live life so deeply; with a quiet surveillance, intelligent reflection and careful movement. Yet you have a fun-loving side and a charming quick wit.
You, my sensitive cat-whispering, song-writing musician, have an artist’s soul that my artist’s soul recognizes. Keep celebrating your non-conformity. I admire that you are so comfortable with who you are!

I am thrilled that God made you, and that I am the blessed woman who gets to be your mother. Happy 14th Birthday!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Last Of The Life Lessons

Here are the last of the lessons I've learned over the years. That's all I’ve got. If you need more, ask someone who is way smarter than me.
31.) Trust your intuition. If you are in a stable place emotionally, then go with your gut. Do you have red flags about a relationship? Keep looking at that. Does a conversation feel crazy? Then it probably is. Should I make that purchase? What does my heart say? (And bank account.) I rely strongly on my intuition, and it has served me well. (If you are hormonal, then disregard what I said. The only gut feeling I have when PMSing is rage.)
32.) Aromatherapy works. I light a mistletoe candle in the winter for a pick-me-up, and a floral-scented one in the summer. Lavender spray on my kids’ pillows makes them sleep better. Chanel #5 reminds Super Hubs of our dating days. Certain scents will lift your mood. Go have fun sniffing at a candle shop!
33.) Try Flylady. (www.flylady.net.) She is my on-line Life Couch for organizing my home, meals, life, etc. I highly recommend this amazing woman! I couldn’t live as fruitfully without her.
34.) Welcome your children’s friends often. It speaks volumes of care to them. I keep frozen snacks and cookie dough on hand, and try to take time to look them in the eyes and ask about their well-being. Some of my kids’ friends come from messed-up families, and I want to be at least one loving person in their life that day.
35.) Have goals. I write down my goals in a notebook and pray over them regularly. What do I want to be doing in 1 year, in 5 years, in 20 years? What do I want my life to look like? I’d rather live purpose-filled then wiling away the hours.
36.) Boundaries are loving. I used to be co-dependent, thinking I owned others’ feelings and needed to fix everything for them. It burned me out and wasn’t healthy for them. Now I know where I end and others begin, and give out of the overflow of my heart.
37.) Pamper yourself. It’s crucial to treat ourselves regularly! I like bubble baths, good books, and gourmet food. Super Hubs likes playing with his toy trains. What’s your pleasure? Love on yourself and you’ll be a more balanced person.
38.) Try Family Read-Alouds. Reading aloud to your children improves their memory, concentration, vocabulary and comprehension. It’s also bonding, as you share the same “friends.” It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give your children.
39.) Seek beauty. Collect art books, buy fresh flowers regularly, take a nature walk, put glass prisms on your windowsill to reflect the light. Expose yourself to beauty daily and thereby care for your soul.
40.) Redeem your past. Rise above, overcome, get healing for past pain in your life. I had a crazy mother, so I work hard to be a healthy, loving mother to my children and some of their friends. What others intended for evil, God can use for good in your future.
41.) Life should be fun. Anyone who knows me well understands that I love to have fun. And clearly, life is not always a bundle of laughs. So choose joy when you can!
42.) Writing is therapy. Somehow on paper, my jumbled thoughts seem to align themselves aright mystically, and allow me to peer into parts of myself that I didn’t know existed. It’s feels eerily vulnerable and yet immensely healing. The morphing is consistently astounding to me. It’s like having free therapy.
43.) Age is just a number. I refuse to act my age, whatever that means. I’ll go into the nursing home wearing a mini-skirt and saying, “Lata gata!” Embrace your age. Be proud of it. Yea me! I’ve survived this many years!
44.) Grow old well with God. I heard this at church recently. I don’t know what that’ll look like for me, as I am still not old yet. (See #43.) But I plan on this.
So there you have it. And now you know my age. I’ll be 44 tomorrow and damn proud!
It's your final shopping day!

Life Lessons Continued

Were you waiting with bated breath for today’s nuggets of oracularity?? Here are the next 10, bringing my age up to 30, so far. (Hmmmm. I need to keep going on the wisdoms. I’m a bit north of 30, I’m afraid. We’ll finish them tomorrow.)
21.) Know the Love Languages. Read the book, and then figure out what works for your family and friends. Use that information to speak love into the people you care about on a regular basis. (Words of Affirmation are mine. If anyone wants to say wonderful things about me, I’m always open to that. I mean it. Bring them on.)
22.) Zinc is a magic pill. At the first sign of a cold, suck on zinc lozenges or take zicam every three hours. The virus will be gone in 2 days. I swear. Works every time.
23.) Show hospitality. We entertain frequently. This is a great way to deepen relationships. There’s something bonding about breaking bread in the intimacy of your home. It can be elaborate or simple. But it should always be fun! Throw something in the oven, play relaxing music, light some candles, then enjoy your company. Ask questions. Which leads me to #24.
24.) Improve your listening skills. I am talker. I can prattle on with the best of them, day and night. But I’m learning to become a better listener. A new friend told me recently how much it meant to her that I sat down to listen to her life story for a couple hours. It’s an incredible gift you can give someone.
25.) Don’t waste time sorting laundry. Wash everything together in warm. Forget what your mother told you. It works fine. My clothes always come out clean and fresh. I give you permission. (Unless you are washing new red boxers. Then call Mom.)
26.) We teach others how to treat us. Abuse of any kind is never okay. Every person is a precious child of God, of immense worth in His eyes. There is nothing loving or Christ-like about allowing others to treat you poorly. Jesus was loving, yet strong and sure of His value. He walked away from the Pharisees. I’ve learned this the hard way over the years. No more Mrs. Doormat.
27.) Travel muchly! I’d rather live in a smaller house and have more money to travel. See the world as much as you have the budget for. It is an incredible form of education; opening your eyes to the vastness of creation and the beauty of other cultures and the rich history we share as fellow Homo Sapiens. I’ve traveled extensively, and I’m not a Trump. (My favorite city in all the world is Rome.)
28.) It’s never too late to develop talents. What were your passions as a child? Resurrect them if they’ve been buried! They are the deepest parts of who you are at the core. Don’t be afraid to discover them again. The journey is so precious! I began acting just 4 years ago, and writing, more recently. In the future, I plan to try my hand at painting and photography. The possibilities life offers are endless!
29.) Preparation H is not just for The Nethers. Use it as an eye cream. (The one without hydrocortisone.) It shrinks the blood vessels, thereby decreasing puffiness and fine lines. Just get over the inhibitions and try it. Trust me. It works.
30.) Guard a weekly Date Night. You and your Significant Other deserve nothing less than time to bond and connect. A tight budget or no sitter is not an excuse. Put the kids to bed and eat a fabulous meal alone in the dining room and enjoy one another.
Speaking of which…….It’s Friday night. Date Night time. I must go begin to beautify. The last installment of wisdom will come tomorrow. (If I have anymore wisdoms left in me. My brain is beginning to ache from all the Kellyisms. However did Confucius do it??)
Two shopping days left!

More Kelly's Life Lessons

Yep- my birthday just won't quit moving toward me. I remember the days when that was a good thing. If you are fortunate enough to be younger than me, glean from my birthday ruminating. I'll have as many of these as my age over the next few days.
11.) For a bad attitude, practice gratitude. I have a discipline that I’ve engaged in for a while. I list 5 things I’m grateful for that day, before I go to bed. This simple act has opened my eyes to my blessings and helped to cure my grumbling and discontent.
12.) Exercise regularly. I don’t love working out, but there has never been a time I’ve regretted it. It really does make me feel better and sleep better. And who would say no to looking better??
13.) Capitalize on your strengths. There are things that I am good at, and things I am not. I try to champion my attributes rather than obsess over my weaknesses. And it’s lots more fun that way.
14.) When life brings storms, dance in the rain. Bad seasons hit everyone. Pain is universal. What can I learn from this?
How can I use this to grow me into a more loving, beautiful person? Believe me, I’ve suffered plenty over the years. As the old adage goes, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” Bank on that!
15.) Chocolate tastes better cold. Unless it’s hot chocolate. And always drink that with marshmallows and Godiva shavings.
16.) Avoid the faultfinders. Chronically negative people drain me. And critical ones make me feel like they’ve poked holes in my soul. Run from them. Run fast! Move toward those that point you to all that is good and excellent and virtuous.
17.) True friends rejoice. There are many people who will gladly come alongside me when I’ve got problems. But who is there to celebrate my successes? Those people are the genuine friends in my book.
18.) Declutter the house and organize the brain. If my external world is in disarray, my internal world is in disarray. And the older I get, the more I crave peace. So I declutter religiously. (Although not at church.) Put away, give away or throw away for just fifteen minutes a day, and in no time your home will be serene. And your soul, in turn.
19.) Let go of self-consciousness. Really, who cares what others think? I refuse to try to get into people’s heads anymore and worry that they are disapproving of me. They can focus on themselves, and I will focus on me.
20.) All things in moderation. Unless you have an addiction problem or medical issue, what’s wrong with the occasional cocktail? Life is to be celebrated! After all, wasn’t Jesus’ first miracle turning water into wine?
Three shopping days left! Get moving!

10 Life Lessons

My birthday is on Sunday. So I thought I'd share the incredible wisdom of my advanced years in the days leading up to this great celebration. Enjoy!
1.) Prayer works. It really does. My day won’t go well unless the first part of my morning begins in prayer. I can go forward into the day with peace, knowing I’ve begun it with the one who created me and knows me best. And that I’ve asked for His hand of protection and blessing on those I love.
2.) God first, then people. The more time I’ve spent with God in prayer, the more I’ve fallen in love with Him. And the more I love God, the more I’m able to love others. Funny how that works.
3.) Be yourself. In my early 30s, I realized I had no idea who I was. What was my true personality? How was I wired and gifted? My quest for “finding myself” led to great freedom and confidence.
4.) Intimate friendships are a must. I have a circle of several safe friends that I can be truly authentic with. They know the good, the bad and the ugly. And they love me anyway. Nurturing those relationships is a priority to me.
5.) Reading voraciously is good for the soul. I often read two to three books at once, all different genres. If a book doesn't captivate me by the second chapter, then I’m done with it. Life is too short, and there are too many great books to read. I learn so much from other writers. Reading really good books makes me smarter and builds character.
6.) Laugh every day. Find humor in the ordinary. I just saw the freakin’ ugliest dog walk by the window. It looked like a gray striped wool sweater with legs. I laughed for 10 minutes. (No offense to the dog. I'm sure he has a great personality.)
7.) Make parenting a priority. It wasn’t easy for us to have a family, and I feel so blessed to have the three children that I do. I’d rather err on the side of grace and forgiveness. It won't matter how many other great things I do in my life if I botch how I raise them. God has entrusted me with these three, and I take that mandate very seriously.
8.) There's no shame in therapy. It changed my life. If you are in a stuck place emotionally, find a great therapist. The healthiest people that I know are the ones who have worked through their “stuff.” What a gift to give your loved ones- an emotionally healthier you!
9.) Avoid being a black and white thinker. People are rarely “all good” or “all bad.” There are most often two sides to a conflict. Life has many shades of gray.
10.) Every child needs a pet. A furry or slimy something-or-other to love and have love them back should be a mandatory part of childhood. Even if it makes the house a bit messier and creates a little more work, it’s worth it.
More Life Lessons tomorrow!
(Four shopping days left!)

Five Shopping Days Left...

......until my birthday! Need I say more?
Any time taken to read my blog would be better spent at the mall buying me presents.;-)

Spring Is Bustin' Out All Over

IT’S FINALLY SPRING!! We have had an uncomfortable…..no, difficult…..no, brutal….no, horrific winter. I do not for a minute believe that Hell is hot. Hell most certainly has an environment much like the winter we’ve just suffered through. Nasty. Savage. Ferociously frigid. Ewwwww.

But now it is Spring! And we had a glorious weekend of sunny weather that climbed nearly to the 70s. And for Midwesterners, who know full well that the next day could bring snow flurries during bi-polar April, we all grabbed that little piece of Paradise while we could and donned our light summer clothes. Shorts abounded all over the neighborhood. Which made me realize, I clearly must make a regular workout part of my daily routine once again. IT IS TIME! No more hiding my flabby muscles behind baggy clothes. (Do I still indeed have muscles after my weeks of sluggishness enforced by the plague?) So I power-walked this morning, and realized how much I’ve missed that. It felt fabulous!

And my hyacinths are nearly in bloom. And no, our garden is not perpendicular to the earth. That would just be crazy. I could not get the above picture to flip and I'm too lazy to really try hard. So use your imagination.

Welcome back, Fair Weather! I’ve missed you terribly!
To all my friends who live in parts of the country that have shared the misery of the past few months- HAPPY SPRING!
P.S. Six more shopping days until my birthday!

Bomb I Mean Prom Season

I am not generally a risk-taking, thumb-my-nose-at-death type of woman. I’ve never sky-dived, bungee-jumped, or considered a career as a Navy Seal. But I agreed to participate today in an adventure that could loosen the bowels of the most stout-hearted warrior: I went Prom Dress Shopping with my daughter and two of her friends.

I donned the armor necessary for the occasion which included a helmet, chain mail and my fireplace poker because, Friends, Prom Dress Shopping can get mighty ugly! I know this well as I have accompanied Butterfly many times before on her shopping sprees for Homecoming and Turnabout. The Mother/Daughter Teams grabbing, snatching, elbowing and fighting over dresses and changing rooms; the palpable spirit of killer competition. Frankly, it's shocking!

I found a little chair by a mirror and tried to stay safely out of the way until it was time for me to fulfill my duties as “Queen of Final Approval” and “Master of the Master Card.” Bright colors are very trendy this season I learned as I viewed formal dresses in colors that would make the Crayola company green with envy. Butterfly finally settled on a beautiful long dress of shimmery blue with silver beads at the waist and a plunging neckline.

After the Prom Dress purchase, we had to think about shoes, purse, a wrap, and jewelry. I am currently writing a sequel to the “If you Give A Mouse A Cookie” series entitled, “If You Buy A Girl A Prom Dress”…….

Whew. It’s over. Like Julius Caesar, "I came, I saw, I conquered." Super Hubs is uncomfortable about the plunging neckline. “Will you be wearing a turtleneck under that?” he asked his daughter in all seriousity. After she rolled her eyes at him, I saw him googling “Burqua” and “Amish Bonnet with long collar” on his laptop.

(Long sigh.) My Baby Girl. It seems as if just yesterday she was flushing her shoe down the toilet, and now today she bought a Prom Dress. (Sniff.)

Looks Like We've Made It?

(Super Hubs, as I drove him in my Toyota yesterday): “How long has that light been showing up on the dashboard?”
Me: “What light?”
SH: “The green light that says Cool.”
Me: “That’s not a light."
SH: “It’s definitely a light. It means there’s a problem with something.” (Maniacally begins thumbing through the car manual.)
Me: “Relax. It’s been showing up every time I drive for the past few months. I don’t think it’s a problem. I think it’s just a Mood-Indicator.”
SH: “A what??”
Me: “A MOOD-INDICATOR. You know. That it means the car is fine. It’s cool. As opposed to cranky. Or PMSing. Or ecstatic. Everything is status quo with this car. It’s A-OK. That’s what I thought it meant and I wasn’t worried about it. It’s cool, so I’m cool.”
SH: (Glares at me.)
Me: “Why? Was I wrong??”
SH: (Talking very slowly, as if I am a three-year-old): ”According to the car manual, which is CONVENIENTLY LOCATED inside the glove compartment for information such as THIS, it means the coolant level is low. Which can be bad. The car can overheat.”
Me: “Oh.”
(SILENCE.)
Me: “But isn’t it great how our differences balance out our marriage so beautifully?? I see “Cool” and assume everything is great! You see “Cool” and freak out and think the car will blow up. Me, Glass Half-Full. You, Glass Half-Empty. A marriage made in Heaven, right?”
SH: (Not cool. Not ecstatic. Cranky. Possibly PMSing): “Yeah, whatever. Pull over into the gas station, so I can get coolant.”

Hmmm. We’ll be married for 19 years this month. Sometimes you gotta wonder how we’ve made it this far! ;-) We'll ponder that tonight on our Date Night.

HAPPY FRIDAY, FRIENDS!

Basking In The Afterglow

I took Butterfly out to dinner tonight. We have a regular Mother-Daughter Date Night together that I try to guard jealously, usually scheduled for the first Wednesday of the month. These evenings often involve Chinese food and shopping. Tonight we shared pork fried rice, beef sticks and pot stickers. She got her usual virgin Pina Colada, and I had my usual Chinese Food Chardonnay, the only white wine that restaurant apparently carries. Then we went to Ulta to indulge in some makeup purchasing.

We have done these Mother-Daughter Date Nights since her sophomore year; my attempt to find a way to connect and bond and have fun with my teenage daughter. I continue to be surprised at how much she looks forward to them. I expected that tonight we would follow the usual routine during dinner; I would be an audience to Butterfly’s monologue about her social life and her upcoming Prom. But I was surprised tonight with the depth of our conversation. She talked about God, and unsafe friendships, and feeling alone and misunderstood in the midst of a particular group she participates in. She talked about friendships that she values deeply; those that make her feel accepted and loved and safe. And I shared about mine.

It was good. I am proud of her inner strength and maturity. She astounds me at times with the wisdom she possesses. And her depth of insight into people. It was really good. I am proud of the young woman she is becoming. There are some very difficult seasons in parenting teenagers. But like finding a piece of sea glass on the sandy beach, I will snatch up these precious moments when I find them, and hold them close to my heart.