Too Easy!

I was born for a day such as this; the sunshine, the temperature hovering in the 70’s, dusting off my flip flops from their long winter’s nap…….mortifying my teenage daughter. And without even trying!

I cheerfully pulled into her high school parking lot today to pick her up, with my windows rolled down and singing to “Hey Mickey” which was blasting from the CD player. “Oh Mickey, What a pity you don’t understand, you take me by the heart and you take me by the hand….”

“Mom- STOP! Turn that off! Everyone can hear you! OMG you are SO embarrassing!" Butterfly got into shotgun and slumped down in her seat. Which made me giggle, turn up the music, and add a little bootie dance to my vocal entertainment as I drove through the parking lot.

“Mom, I mean it! STOP! I’ve never embarrassed you!!” Never embarrassed me?? Hmmm. Let me think. Should I mention all the times she was a toddler and threw tantrums in public places like the library, causing me to carry her out to the car kicking and screaming and enduring judgmental glares from the patrons? Or how about the “tampon incident” when she passed out the aforementioned unmentionables as lollipops to her friends and their parents at one of her birthday parties? Or when she was three, and shared with my uptight mother that her baby brother had had his first erection? Or when she told her new first grade teacher, on a home visit, that her parents sometimes locked her in the closet? (Totally untrue. We would never do that. She had a wild imagination.)

Oh, so many stories of parental humiliation! And now I had mortified my daughter. And it was so easy! Which leads me to brainstorm bigger and even more potentially embarrassing situations. Should I wander through the high school cafeteria next week at lunchtime, wearing a fuchsia floral muumuu with cowboy boots and calling her name? Maybe Super Hubs and I should volunteer to be chaperons at Prom, and attempt a Jennifer Gray/Patrick Swayze routine on the dance floor? Ooooooh, so many ideas!

“Oh Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind, Hey Mickey! Hey Mickey!” Revenge is soo sweet.