Wheat Grass Smoothie, Anyone?

In the wake of my recent birthday, I have some exciting news to share. I have begun a new diet! Perhaps you’ve heard of it? It’s called “Eating Healthy.” It’s all about….well, eating healthy, such as including at least 5 fruits or vegetables a day into your diet, as well as whole grains, protein, and other things that sound grotesque but are supposedly nutritious. It encourages cutting out sugar and white flour and caffeine, and increasing lots of fresh water. This “Eating Healthy” Diet is supposed to give you more energy, ward off illness, make you look younger and live longer. It sounds brilliant, does it not?? “Well, duh!” you say. But I must confess that I am addicted to junk food. My name is Kelly and I am a Junk-Food-Aholic. All: “Hi Kelly!” But it’s been so much fun! Such frivolity! A pleasurable, yummy ride on the Roller Coaster of Crapola Dining! But now, sadly, it must come to an end. Good-bye, Shameless Gorge-Festing! I shall miss you loads. (Sniff.)

I have inherited both a fast metabolism and waif-like figure from my mother, which are a blessing and a curse. A curse because I get lazy. I assume I can eat whatever I want whenever I want. But last week’s birthday reminded me that I am getting a bit older, and I realize that if I continue on my Salt-Sugar-Caffeine Diet, I will wake up one day and be rather large. Or rather diabetic. Or rather dead. Hence the new “Eating Healthy” Diet.

So I cleaned out my pantry and fridge, tossing out most of the salty snacks and pop tarts and fudgsicles and horseradish. (The latter because we had 4 bottles of horseradish, and the fresh-ist one expired in November of ’04. We only use horseradish on the rare occasion, in which I forget that I have some and buy another bottle. But I digress.) And I have begun to add only nutritious, wholesome foods. Go me! No more cheetos and Dr. Pepper for breakfast. Adios to hiding Hostess Cupcakes from my kids so I can eat them surreptitiously. If I have a salty craving, now I grab a handful of nuts. If I have a yen for sugar, I currently eat a piece of grapefruit……with sugar on it. (But it’s better than jelly-bellies, so don’t judge me! I said I was “Eating Healthy," I did not say I was going all "Buddhist Monk!") I still allow myself one can of soda a day. And an alcoholic beverage on occasion. And 4 Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups from Target today. But that was only because I had been shopping for a while and my blood sugar was dropping…….never mind.

I’ll let you know how it goes. I’ll admit it ain’t easy. But if the pay off is looking better and feeling better, it might be worth it. As long as I can have the occasional Snickers or mojito without guilt, I’m all for longevity. And more of me over your lifespan is always a good thing! Here’s to my health!